I've been missing my momma a lot lately. She always had the right words to say whenever I was upset, worried, stressed, freaking out or whatever. Even in the last month of her life when I would talk about how worried or whatever I was about something, she would always say the right things to comfort me. It didn't always work like I should have let it becuase I'm just a worry wart like that, but most of the time I would worry for a bit longer then sit and reflect on what she had said and things would be better. This time they didn't get better though.
There was one day at the hospital, after she had been in for a couple weeks and we had just transferred her to a different hospital, that I actually felt like here was a chance we would get to bring her home. She had these amazing moments of clarity that sometimes only I would get to see. I was working evenings and she was about 30 miles away from home. I normally wouldn't have time to stop by the hospital on my way to work but always made it a point to stop by on my way home if for nothing else just to check on her. I wanted to see and talk to her so bad I would usually wake her up if she was napping.
One particular day I stopped by and woke her up and she seemed so excited to see me there. I had talked to her about 3-4 times on the phone that day but to actually see my face meant the world to her at that moment. I believe she knew at that time that she didn't have much longer to be here with us and wanted every precious chance she could have. We had the best conversation we had had in several months. That is a day that I will remember forever.
There are many, many, many memories that I will always remember but for right now this is one that sticks out the most. This is the one right now that means the most to me. We had several more conversations throughout the next 2 weeks but most of them were clouded with her being in and out. This was the last fully coherent conversation with her and she wanted me to make sure she knew just how much she loved me and how much I meant to her. She meant so much to me too. More than she will ever have known. I would not be the person I am today without her and my dad being there to guide me every step of the way. They are my heros.
When momma got sick I really never thought that in just 8 short years she would be gone. I always just kinda figured she would grow older but just be kinda like she was. Always in pain and suffering. I'm not glad that my momma is gone, but I thank God everyday that she is no longer suffering and in any pain. She was to beautiful of a woman to have suffered the way she did. I would not wish what she had to go through on my worst enemy. But she took it all in stride and showed more grace and faith in those 8 years than I had seen in my entire life.
She showed me a warrior. She eventually got tired and weary, but I don't think she ever gave up. I think she knew she had raised some amazing children and had instilled in them God's love, grace, and mercy and showed us how to have faith even through our most trying times. She knew she had finished the work that God had placed her here to do and she knew it was time to go home and be with her momma and daddy and many other family and friends that have gone on before her.
Thankfully, because of my parents raising me the way that they did, I KNOW that I will get to see my momma again. And when I do, she is going to be dancing and singing and playing softball, and running around playing. Because that's what she loved to do.
